Sticky Is A Slut

Adults Only

  • 15th April
    2014
  • 15
  • 11th April
    2014
  • 11
I want to be very alone and very not alone almost simultaneously. I want to be committed and free at the same time. Sometimes I wanna bake the cake, eat the cake, and not share the cake and sometimes I’ve made the cake for someone else and no, that’s ok, I don’t want a bite it’s all yours!
  • 11th April
    2014
  • 11
  • 11th April
    2014
  • 11

Are we, the truly proactive and busy, highly productive due to our nature, or as a result of our personal necessity? Do we force ourselves out of bed at sunrise because we cannot wait to start the day, because we yearn to begin our tasks with passion and vigor, because we love our lives, what fills them, and the people with whom we interact? Or do we peel ourselves from the safety of our warm bed sheets and the comfort of our loved ones because we know if we don’t, this bed, these walls, the very bedclothes on our backs could all be lost? Are we driven out of bed by love or by fear? 

How do I balance my desire for an aloha lifestyle with my tendency to live in a perpetual boiler room where I am, and I admit this reluctantly, most at ease? I have no clue but I’m trying to figure it out.

Preparing to quit my full-time job is proving an enormous task. Paying two months’ rent in a single month in order to pay off my lease, not purchasing clothes or makeup, avoiding new furnishings for my lovely new apartment, and the most challenging - not participating in social activities with friends has not been easy. And I have four more months of this parred-down version of myself to get through! However, the light at the end of this bare-bones tunnel is so bright, so fresh, so possible to reach that I’m hardly bothered by material sacrifices. What does bother me is not being able to be a boss.

I’m a front the bill, pick up the tab, take you out when you’ve done something great or buy the good bottle when you’ve had a bad day kinda friend and to not be able to do those things has me feeling rather unsophisticated and inept. This results in a strange form of social anxiety which stems from a lack of independence. If I can’t pay, I won’t play. Best to just stay home and watch everything in my Netflix queue, right? 

I started working at quite a young age. Being financially independent has always been my “thing”, even before my friends were doing it, even before we all started hitting 30 had no choice but to do it, even before I really needed to do it. I was the teen with my own credit card who could buy the concert tickets, book the hotel rooms and start the tabs and mommy and daddy had nothing to do with it. Life was good because I was in charge. Lately I’ve had to give that up. 

I’ve never struggled with being responsible enough to pay my bills on time, but I have struggled with my ability to put money away. I am 28 years old and I’ve somehow avoided ever having to save for anything significant for an extended period of time. Right now I’m saving a ton of money (to me) in order to not work so much for a few months which is a surprisingly challenging first. The money is there, but it’s not. I can’t touch it because it’s spoken for. How queer to live in relative destitution (I’m being dramatic) while the balance in my bank account increases. And what a dangerous temptation!

So how do I do it? I have no idea. But I am trying a few things to help me out. I “lost” my debit card and don’t plan to replace it. I work with cash now, and only keep my daily budgeted amount with me so I don’t impulse buy a $7 smoothie or just “pop in” to the store to maybe pick up a bottle of wine. I’ve been cooking (ugh). Driving less. None of this is fun and no, none of it feels rewarding or empowering. I just feel lame.

But! Come August and through the end of 2014, I’ll be able to cook breakfast every morning and eat it in my underwear. I’ll be able to work, study, write, and bullshit on the internet from any location I desire. I’ll be able to do some much-needed traveling outside the state of California. And best of all… I won’t feel the pangs of stress in my gut telling me to get out of bed and get to work because I just won’t fucking need to. I’ll get up at dawn because I love my life, what fills it, and the people with whom I choose to interact. Boom. 

  • 10th April
    2014
  • 10
  • 8th April
    2014
  • 08
  • 8th April
    2014
  • 08
  • 8th April
    2014
  • 08
  • 7th April
    2014
  • 07

Tell him he’s sexy. Explain to him that he defines what sexy means to you, personally. Kiss him then pull away and let your eyes gaze upon the place you just kissed and with your mouth slightly agape, feel the sexiness radiate from his skin until you have to kiss that spot again. Let him watch you lust for him. Let him listen to the slowing of your breath and the acceleration of your heartbeat. Whisper it. Shout it. Just say it, every day, in your own way. Eliminate doubt from your sex life and just tell him you want him. A good lover will see your honesty as a precious gift to be handled with care. There is nothing sexier than a woman in touch with what pleasures her. 

  • 7th April
    2014
  • 07

lazy bones went to the beach for the weekend but didn’t see any sun <3

  • 4th April
    2014
  • 04
  • 4th April
    2014
  • 04

Where’s the passion all of the sudden? Where’s the kindness so effortlessly thrown my direction that caused me to fall so deeply in love with you? “I love you I love you there’s only you, I love you…” and so on and so on and what? Wait, why are you speaking to me in that tone? Is it drugs? Is it me? Is this over?

I can’t wrap my head around your confusion. I can’t understand your refusal to work, work, work… that’s what we do! We work on things and work things out work ‘til we can’t any longer. We work to vacation, vacation then work and… oh, what? You have a headache? You’re emotionally exhausted? From what? Life? Can’t you see how silly you sound, how silly you are, how easy you have it? It’s me who makes the sacrifice and, for what? A cold shoulder and a bitter attitude?

Emotional exhaustion is for mourners and the chronically ill and the loved ones of those facing addition or financial ruin or a broken family or other, terrible things. One does not grow emotionally tired from carrying out simple responsibilities. You wanted to be here, love. You wanted me and said to me, so many times, “I don’t think you realize how much I understand that you work so hard! I appreciate you!” Now as we stand here with the weight of that declaration on our shoulders you seem fatigued. Baby, this is what you wanted.

You’re not awake? But you’re speaking right to me. Your posture is slumped and your back is tweaked and you seem… irritated? People speak so assuredly about goals and what they want but some, the weak, the distracted and the lazy, they forget that a goal, a passion, is a journey! It’s a trek through the muck and the dirt and some dreadful stormy weather for the sole purpose of making it to the other side. A goal is a destination and you can’t book a first-class ticket.

Look at you, so handsome. So wavering. So lost behind those once-loving eyes. My cards have always been on the table, dear. A difficult one to love am I but a dishonest woman I’ve never been. Men may say they enjoy the challenge of loving me or worse, being loved by me. But I’ve only met a few who make it out with limbs in tact. Be kind to me or you will feel the coldness of my wrath. Don’t play games unless you plan to win.

  • 3rd April
    2014
  • 03

There’s this girl I work with and she’s cool. Like, I’ll never be as inherently cool as she is. 

Yesterday, when she found out how little money I make, she told me to write down all of the things I want and need in order to reach my goals. “Then, give me the list. We’re gonna get it done.”

I went home and cried and cried. Do you know how many people I’ve made lists with, how many people I’ve told, “Write down what you need and I will help you make it happen,” and this… this was the first time anyone has ever done it for me. 

  • 2nd April
    2014
  • 02
why are you quitting your job and where are you going to go after?

Asked by: Anonymous

I’m quitting my full-time job for five months to write and finish school because “dreams” and *life goals*

  • 2nd April
    2014
  • 02
Are you going to do another mimp set anytime soon?

Asked by: Anonymous

sometime this year!