Sticky Is A Slut

Adults Only

  • 28th July
    2014
  • 28
  • 26th July
    2014
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  • 24th July
    2014
  • 24

Last night in the Souplantation parking lot thinking about my future and alllllll the fucking salads I’ve been eating

  • 23rd July
    2014
  • 23
  • 23rd July
    2014
  • 23
I have pouty lips, sad eyes, and an above-average sized penis. How undateable am I?

Asked by: Anonymous

If you have a big dick, you’re allowed to say you have a big dick. If your dick is small - own it. But choosing the adjective “average” to describe your penis, whether above or below, is a sign that you either need a self-esteem boost, or that your woman-gettin tactics are sad. “I’ve sensitive eyes and a mighty sword, will thou not love thee?” You sound so silly. Don’t “sad” girls into giving you kudos and certainly don’t waste that boo hoo shit on me, love. There is nothing “average” about my life. 

  • 22nd July
    2014
  • 22
  • 20th July
    2014
  • 20

I’ve been taking care of myself lately, avoiding carbs and eating greens. See, when I was 25 and smoking a pack a day, sleeping with danger and staying up past dawn, I never thought I’d have to try too hard to feel ‘ok’. But gravity, time and I have been hanging out recently - laughing together about the years we wasted worrying that we weren’t pretty enough or thin enough or if we were just too damn easy.

I’ve realized that makeup and bar food and high heels and pretending not to care feels foreign now that everything has a price and mortality is a weakness and not just something far off into some hypothetical distant future. Everything counts.

"For the rest of my life" is happening, and it’s happening to me whether I like it or not.

  • 17th July
    2014
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  • 8th July
    2014
  • 08
I’m growing up too fast but feeling young and dumb, self-indulgent and greedy but eh, we’re down to five more weeks of hell then it’s full-time academic/writing bliss can’t wait for weekends workin on my tan like a lady of leisure who at the same time needs to hustle in that long-game way hey hey we’re the monkaaaaays people say we work too hard and play too heavy horns up you skinny margaritas xo

I’m growing up too fast but feeling young and dumb, self-indulgent and greedy but eh, we’re down to five more weeks of hell then it’s full-time academic/writing bliss can’t wait for weekends workin on my tan like a lady of leisure who at the same time needs to hustle in that long-game way hey hey we’re the monkaaaaays people say we work too hard and play too heavy horns up you skinny margaritas xo

  • 25th June
    2014
  • 25
  • 25th June
    2014
  • 25

If I complain about what I’m doing will you sMack me good and tell me to shut up?

I’m tired. I leave my house by six in the morning and don’t see home until after 9. Been wearing dirty clothes and I’m almost out of underwear because who can squeeze laundry into a 14 hour work day?

I need a wife.

My professor gave me a perfect score on my first paper. It wasn’t a long paper nor was it a difficult assignment, but I’m staring down 29 in a few weeks and it’s good to know I’ve still “got it” so thanks, TWC. You’ve taught me a lot. 

I miss being interesting but being busy has kept me humble and well behaved. Am I complaining? No no. I’m just tired. 

  • 25th June
    2014
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  • 21st June
    2014
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  • 21st June
    2014
  • 21
Hey babe let’s chill and drink some margaritas and maybe ride a bike whatever we got a good parking spot it’s LA live your life stay positive get high on yr own supply check your phone again maybe he texted ugh I’m tired of your senior pranks grow up and do this shot with me.

Hey babe let’s chill and drink some margaritas and maybe ride a bike whatever we got a good parking spot it’s LA live your life stay positive get high on yr own supply check your phone again maybe he texted ugh I’m tired of your senior pranks grow up and do this shot with me.

  • 19th June
    2014
  • 19
Would you answer a question about penis size? Do ladies prefer inches or centimeters? I just moved to the U.S. from Canada and I'm self-conscious because my penis is on the metric system...

Asked by: Anonymous

WE’VE GOT A COMEDIAN HERE, FOLKS